A ‘friendly parent’ or ‘child’s close friend’ – Make Your Choice!

You, as parents, are those special and wonderful people who brought us in this world. We are what we are because of you. You knew what would make us smile, our eyes gleam, stories we like, things for which we cry and a new story, every night, to help us sleep. You recognized our fears and weaknesses and still assured us - each time- that we are safe. You knew our secrets we thought are known to us alone. Yes, that’s the special parent-child relationship we crave for!

During our formative years, we shared everything with you – of course, different topics with different parent. You listened and mentored us effortlessly. You took us to new places which interested us and found new friends for us. In your own ways, you made us understand the world and helped us prepare ourselves better when we stepped outside and face the big world. However as years passed, we found it difficult to share and take advice on our ‘every’ problem, insecurity, and relationship. The feeling of discomfort, awkwardness and ‘parent-ness’ crept in. There was a thin line between ‘being parents’ and ‘being friends’.

As we move out from your comfort zone into our own new world, we chose our new friends, enjoyed our conversations, found hang-out places and chose our latest fashion. We know that you are struggling hard to accept our new lifestyle and cope with our new norms. BUT you do not have to do it.

As a parent, you should:

• Understand that sometimes your child wants you to ‘just listen’
• Acknowledge the ‘generation gap’ and find ways to overcome the gap instead of scorning it off. By saying revolutionary will not help as it did existed during your times too. The gap is more ‘hyped’ now due to the ever-changing world.
• Be confident that your child will make the right decision
• Respect the decision taken by your child, which sometimes might be a little ‘over-the-top’ and incorrect too. Instead of I-knew-this-would-happen accusations, understand why your child took the decision and then offer advice to correct it. Next time, your child will ask your views before taking a decision. Remember ‘To Err Is Human; To forgive Is Divine’.
• Stop being judgmental based on past events and failed decisions.
• Ensure that your child feels appreciated for unnoticeable accomplishments…also
• Accept that your child is an individual who can have different opinions
• Accept your child as an independent thinker. This does not mean a rebellious child.
• Remember, if your child is supporting a cause, it does not necessary mean that your child is a part of it. For instance, if your child is supporting live-in relationship, it does not imply that he is living in. Probably he just wants the society to respect the people who are ‘living in’ (the world is changing, remember??). Be a little broad-minded and relax your norms
• Stop being overcritical of your child’s lifestyle. Your child is building his own cocoon and creating his space.
• Respect your child’s close friends. Being friendly to them would earn you ‘the bond’ you crave for.
• Understand that asking for ‘space’ does not mean that your child is being distant. It simply implies ‘time alone’.
• Understand that having close friends is equally important - just as you
• Let your child make the first mistake and then advise. This will give you an edge above and your child will see your anchorage.
• Help your child create his own niche
• Lastly and most important - Realize that your child has grown-up and has to carve his own way of life. You need to let go off your child’s hand. I know its hard. This does not mean that he does not need you. Your child needs you the most NOW.

Struggling in becoming your child’s close friend will not necessarily bring you any closer. After all, you are a parent. Experts feel that ‘kids need their parents, not another friend’. They do need their friends for emotional anchorage in time of their ‘crisis’ like dumped by a date, low grades, work troubles, and sexual problems. However they need parents to guide and mentor them in their friendly ways to make the correct choices/ decisions.

Become friendly parents to your children and with your grey-hair experiences help them to combat critical obstacles and overcome worldly fears. Let the adolescent crisis be handled by their friends. There are other important and big crisis for which your child needs you. So gear up…!! Be my ‘friendly-parent’ because we need our friends too.

P.S. If you are a child and have read this far (all the while nodding your head), remember that your parents are struggling hard to earn passing grades in your ‘Generation-X school’. Your part is due too.